Crazy Random Drabbles and Oneshots
by Ami Celeste
Summary: Just something I created to get the crazy out of my system, complete as is, but I will add unrelated chapters sporadically. Chapter 7: "Did he just... Yes. Yes he did." Rating may or may not change. There may or may not be yaoi. There will be various pairings, depends on my mood. NO LEMONZ HERE! Rated for story with highest rating.
1. Stupid Thief

**Okay, so this collection of one-shots and drabbles will get very sporadic updates. This is mostly to soothe my pain over a lack of Detective Conan fanfics written by me. Seriously, you'll be lucky to get one update a month on these. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!**

**A/N: I wrote this. I think I was experiencing temporary insanity at the time. Enjoy my word vomit.**

**Warnings: OOC Shinichi (I think so, anyway); light crack**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT FREAKING OWN IT. Don't own Silly String either.**

Stupid Thief

Kudou Shinichi was in an exceptionally bad mood. If you were brave enough to ask him why, he would growl two words at you, and then stalk away, muttering angrily. These two words were:

Silly String.

His muttering went something like this: "Stupid thief and his stupid traps with this stupid Silly String that won't come out of my damn hair. Stupid, stupid, stupid…"

And that is how Kudou Shinichi developed an intense hatred of Silly String.

"Damn stupid thief of stupidity, with an overwhelming stupid stupidness…"

**Reviews are appreciated, but Please. Don't. Flame. Me. For. My. Insanity. Say it nicely.**

**By the way, I know it's short, but I just had to get it out of my system.**


	2. Disturbing

**A/N: Well, I have another story. This one is actually a follow-up to Stupid Thief. I just wanted to explore the aftermath of the Silly String Incident of '13. Enjoy! Oh, and I think Shinichi is still a little OOC.**

** Disclaimer: I do not own Detective Conan. But I can bend the characters to my will with my magical author powers of doom!**

Disturbing

Shinichi chased the thief around the corner.

"Damn you, Kid! I swear I will catch you this time!"

"My, my, tantei-kun. You have become a lot more obsessive, and, dare I say it? Nakamori-esque since I covered you in Silly String," the thief taunted.

Shinichi groaned inwardly. Even after he got his body back, the damned thief continued to call him by the ridiculous nickname.

"I am _nothing _like that profanity-spouting, obsessive hack inspector!" Shinichi yelled.

The thief raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really?" he said mischievously. He then proceeded duct tape Shinichi to the wall and cover him in glitter, because, really, everything is better with glitter. Kid disappeared, and then promptly reappeared with and irate Nakamori on his tail.

"Damn you, Kid! I swear I will catch you this time!"

They both ran past the bedazzled Shinichi. Kid was wearing a smirk that said, 'You were saying?'

Shinichi came to the disturbing conclusion that he was indeed acting like Nakamori.

"Damn thief…darn it, I'm doing it again!"

**A/N: I had to. I just had to. Review PLEASE! Every time someone reviews, I'll do the Gangnam Style dance in a tu-tu!**


	3. Let's Have Some FUN

**A/N: Okay, THIS IS A YAOI STORY! There are suggestive themes, and a minor deviation from canon (not counting the yaoi). We're going to pretend that Kaito's extreme fear of fish does not extend to animated ones.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Detective Conan or Spongebob. Rest assured, I would tell you if I did.**

**THIS IS DEDICATED TO MY GOOD FRIEND, lifeofthesimple3709. SHE REQUESTED YAOI. I WAS MORE THAN HAPPY TO OBLIGE.**

Let's Have Some FUN

_This can't be good, _Inspector Nakamori thought. Actually, his thoughts went something like this:

_ #*&%$?! Don't tell me that #$&%*^ is actually going to #$%^&* sing a *&^%$# song?!_

Kid was currently standing on a random glass display case, already having retrieved his target jewel, the Mermaid's Kiss. All the lights in the building had either gone out or dimmed for visibility.

Suddenly, a single bright spotlight shone down from who knows where, highlighting the thief's mischievous smirk.

"OHHHHH…." he sang.

Then he started singing in English, "F IS FOR FRIENDS WHO DO STUFF TOGETHER!" He repeated the line in Japanese. He then snapped his fingers, and the entire task force was engulfed in pink smoke. When it cleared, they were tied to cushy chairs with multi-colored ribbons, and in the background, a slideshow started showing pictures of the task force chasing Kid.

"U IS FOR U AND ME!" he again repeated it in Japanese, with a clever translation that ensured that the non-English speakers would clearly get his point. With this, he winked suggestively at a gaping Shinichi, who had, with perfect timing, stumbled into the room after figuring out exactly _where_ Kid had transported the task force.

"N IS FOR ANYWHERE AND ANYTIME AT AAALL!" After a brief Japanese translation, he started making out with Shinichi furiously. When they broke apart, Shinichi had turned bright red and was stammering nonsense.

"DOWN HERE AT MY AWESOME HEIST!" And with another Japanese translation, he bowed with a flourish, and confetti erupted from the floor. With a parting kiss for Shinichi, Kid took a roundabout route to the roof, while simultaneously sending off a dummy in a random direction. As he held his prize to the moonlight, however, a still slightly shell-shocked Shinichi busted through the door.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!"

Kid studied his detective, smirking. "Well, I don't know what _you_ thought it was, but I call it one hell of a way to confess your love."

Whatever Shinichi had been expecting, it sure wasn't that, which goes to sure just how thick his head could be when it came to love. He stared openmouthed at the thief.

"Well, tantei-kun, if you can offer me no response, I will take my leave."

Kid turned to jump off the roof.

"What kind of crazy-ass psychopath sings a song from an American children's cartoon to confess his love! There are better ways, you know!"

"Oh, really? Like what, tantei-kun?"

Kid turned, and nearly flinched. Nearly. He had one hell of a poker face, after all. Shinichi was standing right in front of him.

"Like this."

Shinichi kissed him.

The kiss was short and sweet, much like tantei-kun's shrunken form. (Even in his mind, the thief could not resist a joke.)

When they broke apart, Kid had to take a few seconds to collect his thoughts. He didn't want to stammer, after all.

"I like my way better," Kaito said. "It involves confetti."

Shinichi deadpanned. "I just confessed that I return your feelings for me, and you are thinking about confetti."

"Get used to it, tantei-kun. Your boyfriend's mind works in strange ways." And with that, he was gone.

"Boyfriend…" Shinichi mused aloud. Then, a horrifying thought entered his mind.

"Anywhere and anytime at all…Oh, good god. He wouldn't. Of course not."

He thought on that.

"I'm screwed."

**A/N: So, what did you think? Tell me in a review! Review! REVIEW I SAY!**


	4. Yo Mama

**A/N: I just had to.**

**Reviews:**

** To Nikki: Yes, you are welcome to use this idea. Also, you're Osaka accent was better than anything I try to write. About updates, I really only update when I get a really funny/cracky idea. This could happen anywhere from every day to once a month. Sorry if that disappoints you!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Detective Conan. Detective Conan owns my life. I don't own Doritos either.**

**Also, I've decided to start writing Kid as KID.**

Yo Mama…

KID vs. Nakamori

KID: "Yo mama is so fat, she pulls chocolate cakes out of her hat!"

Me: OHHHH!

Nakamori: "Yo mama is so stupid, she forgot to remind her son that he was a boy!"

Me: … I don't get it.

Nakamori: "Because he cross dresses so much. Right?"

Me: ….. I think we have a winner. KID-sama. Because that just sucked, Nakamori-keibu.

Nakamori: " #$%&^*!"

KID vs. Hakuba

KID: "Yo mama is so stupid, she forgot to tell you that people don't count in milliseconds!"

Me: …

Hakuba: "It is impolite to insult other people's mothers."

Me: ^_^ ….. KID-sama wins. By default.

KID vs. Conan

KID: "Yo mama is so short, she can hang glide on a Dorito!"

Me: DAH-YUM! PWNED!

Conan: "I haven't even said anything yet."

Me: Don't care. PWNED anyway!

Conan: "This is stupid… Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks she lives in Egypt."

Me: … I don't get it.

Conan: "The bandages. Like a mummy. Phantom Lady."

Me: KID-sama wins!

Conan: "Can I go now?"

(OOC) Conan vs. Gin

Conan: "Yo mama so stupid, she got hit by a parked Porsche 356A!"

Gin: "…. You're not even worth wasting a bullet on. So I'll poison you."

Conan: "Oops."

Me: Dumb-ass.

Conan vs. Heiji

Heiji: "Ya' mama so old, when da police asked her for her ID, she gave 'em a rock!"

Yukiko: "What you mean is, your mother is so pretty, she made Marilyn Monroe jealous. _Right?_"

Conan and Heiji: "Yes ma'am!"

_ Conan and Heiji shudder simultaneously._

Me: Dumb-asses.

**A/N: I hope you liked and laughed. And reviewed. Because if you don't review, I'll tell Yukiko-san that you called her an obaa-chan. And She. Won't. Like. That. At. All.**


	5. Celebrate

**A/N: Because really, what's a crack drabble collection without a flash mob?**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own it.**

Celebrate

"I pledge allegiance to the artist that is Kaitou KID. And to the idea for which he stands, one nation, under KID, with magic and confetti for all."

The KID fanclub had just started their meeting, when, lo and behold, Kaitou KID decided to drop by.

"My fair ladies, and honorable gentlemen, I have come to inform you that I need your help for a heist I am planning to hold on dear Nakamori-keibu's birthday. Would you be interested in helping?"

"YES!"

"Omigod, it's KID!"

"KID-sama!"

At this point, several girls had fainted, as well as two guys.

"Thank you, my most devoted fanclub. Remember, it is a black tie event, so you will be dressed to impress."

_A Few Days Later_

The entire KID taskforce had been duct taped to the wall.

"Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy biiiirthday dear Nakamori-keibu. Haaappy biiirthday to you." KID finished his song with a dramatic bow, and then, he yelled out loud, "Hit it, guys!"

Loud music started blaring. The room lit up in different colors. A disco ball dropped from the ceiling. The KID fanclub started filing into the room, all dressed to the nines. Then, they began an extremely complicated dance involving streamers, confetti, exceptionally well-trained doves, and women breakdancing in evening gowns.

"Happy birthday, Nakamori-keibu! This one's for you!"

Nakamori was too shocked to even swear.

**A/N: I hope you liked! Review, my pretties! Eeh hee hee hee!**

Yo Mama Bonus Scene (Inspired by guest reviewer Nikki)

Conan, Heiji, and KID: "Yo mama is so—"

Ai: _Pulls out gun. _"I will shoot you, and then drop your cold, dead bodies into a fiery inferno of death and horror that will be so terrifying that you will spontaneously resurrect and die a horrible, fiery death."

Conan: "Devil's spawn…"

Heiji: "Little neesan is evil…"

KID: "There is something seriously wrong with that little ojou-san…"

Me: What on earth possessed you to challenge her to a 'Yo mama' smackdown?

All three: …


	6. Marry Me?

**A/N: Inspired by my good friend, lifeofthesimple3709.**

**To Nikki: I was inspired to write the last chapter because I was watching the Oscars. I saw the huge, choreographed dance number where all the dancers were in tuxes, and my mind went 'Omigod. Black tie flash mob.' Thanks for reviewing!**

**Disclaimer: I'm getting tired of saying this all the time… I DON'T OWN DETECTIVE CONAN! THERE! ARE YOU HAPPY?! *cries uncontrollably* I don't own Marry You either.**

Marry Me?

Nakamori was beet red. He had never been more humiliated in his life. The task force was almost equally embarrassed. Almost.

Let's backtrack.

_Three Minutes and Fifty Seconds Ago_

"It's a beautiful night," KID sang to the bound, gagged, and wedding-dressed Nakamori. "We're looking for something dumb to do. Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you." Japanese subtitles flashed in the background on a gigantic screen.

There was a poof, and the entire task force was dressed in matching bridesmaid dresses.

"Is it the look in your eyes, or is it this dancing juice? Who cares baby, I think I wanna marry you."

Another poof, and poor Hakuba's usual deerstalker cap and inverness coat were replaced with an evening gown. That was glued to his skin. (Don't worry, KID has the solvent.)

"Well I know this little chapel on the boulevard we can go oh oh oh, no one will know oh oh oh. Oh, come on, girl. Who cares if we're trashed got a pocket full of cash we can blow oh oh oh, shots of patron, and it's on, girl."

Yet another poof, and a horror-struck Conan was dressed in a cute little flower girl's dress.

"Don't say no, no, no, no-no; just say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah; and we'll go, go, go, go-go. If you're ready, like I'm ready."

The song continued like this until the end, KID singing to the group of speechless males, said group of speechless males gaping at him, red-faced.

When the song ended, KID placed the massive emerald on Nakamori's head.

"I'm very sorry that I didn't return this earlier, but at the last heist I didn't quite have the chance to return it to Tantei-kun. And then I had this amazing idea!" KID explained. "However, I must regretfully inform you that this was just a joke. As amazing as I am, I am fully heterosexual. I apologize if you got your hopes up."

Nakamori was too shocked to respond with a single curse word.

When Kaito returned home that night, he walked right past a disturbed Jii.

"Don't worry, Jii," he said as he passed. "You know I've got my eye on Tantei-kun."

Jii didn't trust himself to speak.

**A/N: You know you loved it. You must have laughed at least once. Here's the deal, if you laughed at least once while reading this, review and tell me what you laughed at. I WILL RESPOND TO ALL REVIEWS! **


	7. Of Thieves and Platypuses

**A/N: Don't look at me like that. I'm not crazy. No, really!**

**To Nikki: Sure. The last one was inspired by an (as of yet) unposted fanfiction by lifeofthesimple3709 where Naruto sings that song to Sasuke.**

**To CJSakura: I'm glad you liked it. I do that all the time. Oh, and Jii would have said, "Dear Toichi-sama, what would you have me do?" And Conan was thinking, ****Oi, oi.**** And after the dress: ****I should have soccerballed him when I had the chance.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Detective Conan or Phineas and Ferb. (Yes, I'm doing another children's cartoon reference.)**

Of Thieves and Platypuses

"Is he…" one task force member tried to ask.

"Yes," said the other.

"Did he…" the task force member tried again.

"Yes," came the reply.

"Why?" the task force member asked.

"…I don't know," the second task force member said.

A Few Minutes Earlier

The music came blasting out of hidden speakers.

"He's a semi-aquatic egg-laying mammal of action," sang KID, from the shadows.

In came KID, dressed in a platypus suit. "We should have seen this coming," sighed Hakuba.

"He's a furry little flatfoot who'll never flinch from a fraaay," he continued.

"He's got more than just mad skill."

KID somersaulted onto the display case that held the jewel.

"He's got a beaver tail and a bill." KID spun, showing off the fact that his costume, which consisted of a giant platypus suit with a top hat, monocle, and white cape, did indeed have both a beaver tail and a bill.

"And the women swoon whenever they hear him say…" he grabbed Hakuba, dipping him low, as if too kiss him.

"Krrrrr," he growled, winking suggestively at Hakuba. Even while wearing a platypus suit, he still managed to be flirtatious. He then surreptitiously gassed Hakuba, while imitating Hakuba sighing. Hakuba slumped to the floor.

He jumped back up onto the display case, and struck a pose.

"He's Perry! Perry the Platypus! Perry! Perry the Platypus!"

"Well he's lookin' real sharp in his 1940's fedora." There was a puff of smoke, and the top hat was switched with a (really stylish) fedora.

"He's got an iron will, nerves of steel, and several other metal-themed attributes," he sang, flashing an oh-so humble grin at the task force.

"His fur is watertight and he's always up for a fight." Another showy spin from KID as he dodged the attacks from the task force that had finally recovered enough to try to catch him.

"So when evil hears this sound it shakes in its boots…" And with a sly smile…

"Krrrrrr!"

"He's Perry! Perry the Platypus! Perry! Perry the Platypus!"

And with a smile that practically screamed 'I've got swag!' he front-flipped off the display case and struck a fighting stance, taunting the task force.

"He's got more than just mad skill. He's got a beaver tail and a bill," KID sang.

The task force tried to dog-pile him, but instead of letting them and escaping later, he sent all of the people flying with clever attacks. They landed on padded flooring that they were _sure_ hadn't been there before, more than slightly surprised.

"And the women swoon whenever they hear him say…" he promptly grabbed Shinichi, who had been looking on in horror the whole time, trying desperately not to get involved. He was given the same treatment as Hakuba, except with a flirty air-kiss.

"Krrrrrr!"

"He's Perry! Perry the Platypus! Yeah, Perry! Perry the Platypus! Talkin' 'bout Perry!"

KID readied himself for the grand finale. "AGENT P!" He shot his grappling hook towards the ceiling and zoomed upward.

"CURSE YOU PERRY THE PLATYPUS!" a task force member yelled. Everyone turned to stare at him. "What?" he said defensively. "I got sucked into the performance."

The following day, he was fired, simply because Nakamori didn't like it when his task force appeared to be pro-KID.

**A/N: You know you laughed. C'mon, review, and tell me how great (or bad) it was. I will gratefully accept criticism.**


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